“Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light. ”
Missy’s Story
I believe every “body” has a story. A tale that needs to be told, but often no one is there to listen. In my 17 years of practice I have experienced personally and professionally what happens when the story goes untold: pain, compensation, denial and disconnection. It is a vicious cycle of dysfunction that affects our bodies and more importantly, our human spirit
I want to hear your story. I will be the ears and hold the space that your body needs to heal.
But first, I will share mine with you:
I started as a bit of a “tourist” in my career. I got my degree in Sports Medicine and went on to earn my Doctorate in Physical Therapy. Starting in the traditional work of PT and doing it the way it has always been done. But my mind and my spirit always craved more. And so I studied many different specialties, techniques and approaches. And the one thing I learned that I will say with conviction is that there is not one way to heal. We are too complicated. Our bodies are a tangible expression of tissue, experience, emotion and energy.
Since then I have moved to Europe, New York, gotten married, divorced, married again, lost my father suddenly to cancer, had a baby, opened a business and closed a business, had emergency back surgery and am healing everyday. I have had good days, bad days, pain and bliss, but I am living and I am grateful for each day.
Today, I am a mom, a wife, an artist, a dancer, a scholar, a friend, a patient and a healer. I know what it feels like to struggle to find balance in this crazy life. I know how difficult it can be to surrender to the universe and trust. We have so many layers to us and I know what it looks like to unveil them and be seen. But it is only then that we can truly heal ourselves.
Over the past few years, I have had the opportunity to dive deeper into my own healing and experience. I have had the time to sit quietly with myself, listening and learning so much. I have learned that I need time in nature to reset. I have learned that joy is everywhere, we just need to open our eyes and see it in the moment. I have learned that life is beautiful, the wind, the rain, the pain and the pleasure. It is all there to guide us, to teach us to witness the miracles all around us. I have learned that TRUE healing is actually possible and it's inside us right now. I have learned that love is all there is.
At the heart of my evolution was an unveiling of pieces of me that had been buried my whole life. I have learned how to use my body as a tool for giving love and receiving pleasure. I have learned how to connect with my husband, in good times and in challenges, as an invitation to open to love. I have learned to love all parts of me. My sensuality, my sexuality and my sovereignty in it all.
I trust a “knowing” that lives in my belly and my heart. I honor A desire to feel safe in my body. A allow my craving to be desired and claimed by my love. A drive to be seen, heard and loved for exactly who I am…no filter, no airbrush, no apologies.
I have learned that I have so much more to share with the world. I have discovered part of myself I didn't even know I was hiding. I have liberated the sensual being that I am when I stand in my unapologetic truth. I Have learned that my gifts are many. I have learned that this work has been in my heart my entire life. And one of my deepest desires in life is to share this feeling. This expanded expression of self that is rooted in pleasure, sensitivity, empowerment and love.
I have dedicated my life to learning as much as I can about the body, the brain and our energetic existence. I will never stop craving knowledge. I am a self-professed “insatiable student”. My experience thus far has landed me here with a passion for helping people heal their body and their spirit and to trust their heart to open to love and pleasure in all things. All through a holistic and spiritual approach that listens to the story the body has to tell. It has many chapters and is translated in many languages and I want to hear every word.
Matt’s Story
I am grateful to have spent the last 20 years helping over 1000 people move from a state of suffering to a state of success.
Being a very late bloomer on the physical side, I struggled through a good part of middle and high school looking over my shoulder for the next bully. It also happened to coincide with my dad becoming ill leaving me without a strong male role model to coach me through those years. Around 17 my male hormones kicked in and from that point forward I used my physical body to create an impenetrable armor that would keep me safe, gain me instant respect with the alpha males, and more than my fair share of admiration from the females. This was also the time in life that I buried my true self underneath all of that physical and emotional armor. From that moment on the sensitive, artistic, and expressive, and authentic me, was replaced with a tough, performative, ego driven, and wildly insecure me. The bullied unconsciously became the bully.
I chased and was intoxicated by money, escaped in the easily accessible euphoria of drugs and alcohol, and was captivated by the fulfillment of wild sexual fantasies(this is not always a negative,I will get into that later). All this while still keeping up an impeccable physical appearance. (Ahh to be young…..) Early on in my coaching career in NYC and Los Angeles my schedule was always booked helping entertainers, investment bankers, and wealthy housewives, keep their physical appearance magazine ready using all of the latest advancements in fitness and nutrition. I was working hard, training hard, and partying hard.
I wasn't a total trainwreck, probably because I couldn't afford to be one. I didn’t come from money so I always had to work hard for anything that I wanted in my life. I was always learning, whether I was taking more classes, attending workshops,interning with doctors, or reading books on personal development. At one point I believe I was certified with several different organizations as a personal trainer, massage therapy, a kickboxing instructor, and nutrition.
Believe me, there was no parachute for me, I have spent a good amount of time scraping my beaten and deflated ass off of the pavement to learn a life lesson, AND I am quite certain that all of those moments are somewhere in the formula of the man I am today.
In my twenties and most of my thirties I went through many cycles of making a lot of money, and losing even more money. My representative (ego mask) was making claims that had people thinking I was a solid man filled with integrity, and I WAS one of those people. I had a strong physical appearance with a powerful energy to match, meanwhile I was just a terrified boy underneath that armor waiting to be saved. I was unconsciously looking for “Daddy” to come and rescue me from myself. This lead me into several bad business ventures with wealthy powerful men where my ego was writing checks that I could not cash.
As finances got tighter, and the responsibilities of life started to accumulate, the highs from drugs and alcohol were no longer confined to the party experiences, they became a regular coping mechanism for daily life. When time and family obligations made it less practical to explore the wild side of sex, regular, often several times a day masturbation became a high prioritized pressure release. At the same time, and for the first time since puberty, my physical stature was not a high valued commodity. My ego was doing everything in its power to make decisions that would keep the armor in place. I was keeping up appearances as much as possible while casting the blame on everyone else for my failures.
The most painful potential failure that was looming over me at the time was my marriage. Even with all of my lack of consciousness I somehow managed to have attracted, married, and started a family with a woman that is nothing short of angelic. She is one of those people that when you are in her presence you can feel what a gift it is that you are experiencing in that moment. She has been and still is my guiding light anytime that negativity creeps into my spirit. In those darker times I remember thinking to myself that I must be worthy of something really great if the universe brought this woman to me.
In that period of time I was so unconscious to how consumed I was to maintaining a certain image to the outside world, that I didn’t see the damage that I was causing on a daily basis to my marriage. I was like a scary fire breathing dragon that could set everything a blaze at the slightest bit of perceived threat. This beautiful angel became the pin cushion for my unprocessed fears and insecurities and inability to manage my own emotions. She spent many of those years tiptoeing around my feelings so as not to set me off. It breaks my heart to say it but many nights ended in screaming and tears. Somewhere in the first year of me diving into this work, she shared with me how many nights she had secretly packed bags for her and my baby daughter to leave. Although I never actually witnessed it, I can feel the tears welling up in me now just writing about it. Simply put, I failed her as a leader in our relationship. I am grateful everyday that she had the courage and devotion to work through it with me and end up in the magical place we are in today.
The Shift:
Honestly I don’t have some fantastical tale of a life changing event or a journey to some far off place to discover the secret to life. For me it was more about fully trusting my intuition. I feel that our body, and the spirit that lives within us will let us know when we are heading off course. Depending on how fast you are moving and how loud the noise is around you, will determine whether or not you can hear that little voice and can get back on course or if you just continue to move farther out of alignment with who you are and what you need. For as long as I can remember, the noise in my head was always loud, and the pace was always a sprint. I have always noticed that the longer it took me to course correct at different times in my life, the more choppy the waters of my life would become. In the period right before I started this work, the noise was blaring, seas were rocky, storms were popping up everywhere, and I was heading straight toward a shipwreck. There was one morning, one moment, where I heard the voice loud and clear. It said JUMP and this time there was no hesitation. I jumped into the sea in the middle of the night, no idea how I was going to survive, but I trusted that voice.
Through many years of deep personal work filled with grief and joy, continuous daily practice, strong intentions, the support of many amazing teachers, and most of all the deep love, support, and devotion of my wife, I am a very different man than the one who jumped off of that metaphorical ship. Since that day my mantra has been “Say YES”. I continue to nurture the relationship and trust the wisdom that lies within my body. Without sounding cliche, It has truly been an awakening. For the first time in my life I experienced peace in my mind without any mind altering substance. For the first time in my life I had on demand access to emotions and was able to express them outwardly. I was almost 40 and it was the first time that I really cried hard since I was eleven years old. I finally was able to feel what it meant to be present in the moment. I started to feel a deeper love and connection to my daughter. Instead of feeling the burden of parental obligation, I actually had a deeper yearning to want to spend more time with her. My connection to my sexual energy and relationship to my sexual desires matured in a way that transcended sex with my wife to something I had no idea existed in reality. It is like combining the energies of primal animalistic sex, deep heart opening emotional love making, and darker kinky sex into one experience and being able to access it on demand. I was able to feel exactly what the moment needed and guide her into it. Aside from the immense pleasure that I was able to move through my body, I am able to connect with her on a deep emotional level that allows our relationship to continually evolve as we do. For the first time since I was a kid I felt these spontaneous moments of joy bubble up in my body. I had an invigorated sense of curiosity about life and that still continues after a decade of this work.. It was as if I had suddenly been given access to all of these parts of me that I had either never known existed or had been buried away since I was a child. I now call the entirety of this my journey back home.
I am clear on who I am at my core and what my purpose is on this planet. I am wide open to criticism and change. I can love deeply and express it openly. I am no longer hiding in the shadows, holding onto pain from the past, but instead I’m breathing fully and releasing it through my body. The confidence and passion that you feel from me is authentic, and I am ready to step onto the stage to fulfill my service to others.
Now I am certainly not promoting an Instagram tale filled with beautiful people doing spiritual shit in exotic landscapes. Sure, the way that I see the world is far more beautiful than it was prior to me doing this work, but I still wake up daily with feelings of doubt or closure and do my work to transcend that shit to something as beautiful as possible for that moment. AND some days I fail and feel stuck, insecure, and want to lay on the couch and watch Netflix. If any coach, teacher, or whomever you are seeking advice from tells you that they do not experience it, RUN AWAY and FAST.
For me it is all about intentions and practice. I am always curious about what I need and desire and practice to bring it into my life. Yes, a big part of my shift and the work that I do with others is guiding using specific movement, breath, and meditative practices to help create change, but practice is available to us in every moment.
Every moment we are giving and receiving from the world around us. For any of us to make lasting shifts in our life, we must first learn to tune into and understand what the sensations in our body are trying to tell us. When I was able to do that, I was able to control my reactions to others and the world. I was able to express myself in a healthy way without stuffing or projecting my feelings. By quieting the constant chatter in my mind I was able to be more present to what I needed and to the needs of those around me. What embodiment work did for me and what it can do for you is help you gain greater command over the moment.
Think about it…most of the time when you are triggered by something your partner says or does, you have a split second to shift the energy so the mood opens to love or goes up in flames. Trust me, I was the king of getting triggered, my body flooded with fear and insecurity, and all defense missiles were launched all because I did not have the capacity in my body to do something different in that moment. It did not and still does not matter what I know, it is all about how I show up in that moment that has my loving wife feel safe or want to cut my throat:).
Lets face it, our general feeling of our romantic relationships to be fulfilling or unfulfilling, is based on the accumulation of those little moments. If more moments are spent screaming with frustration at your partner, it is likely that you will feel unfulfilled. If more moments are spent screaming with pleasure, you will most likely consider yourself in a happy relationship.
As one of my favorite teachers says, “You don't have to do shit", and if you are in the same place this time next year you will know why”.
I chose to do some shit, I hope you do as well.